heartbreak

I Got the Fortunes of Heaven in Diamonds and Gold

Song: Ain't Got You
Album: Tunnel of Love
Year: 1987

I never thought I would see a day where Bruce Springsteen would debut a song that clocks in at just over two minutes, but I guess today is that day. Or I guess October 9, 1987 was that day and I missed it because I was a three-month-old baby who didn't yet understand the concept of music. Incredibly rude of me.

The Boss spends this song sadly bragging about all the fancy things and he's got stowed all over his many mansions—just another classic everyman tune. It's like a bizarro-world version of "If I Had a Million Dollars" or the interesting-person version of "Lucky."

Genius.com calls the song it "starkly autobiographical" but I sincerely doubt Bruce is slamming caviar on the reg. Yes, he's a multi-millionaire and has been for most of his life, but I still believe the only way he would eat caviar at home is as a dip for chips while he's watching baseball. We all know what B is really spending his money on: model train sets. (The man loves trains!)

Rating: 8 fancy foreign cars out of 10.

This song makes me feel: proud of Bruce. Even though this is his shortest song ever, he still manages to slip a shoutout to King Farouk in there because he's a goddamn professional who knows that that mentioning a rich Egyptian man is a key ingredient in any hit single.

Fun Bruce fact: CelebrityNetWorth.com lists one of Bruce Springsteen's nicknames as "Bad Scooter." Maybe it means that there's a whole concept album I haven't listened to yet where he performs under that name as an alter ego, à la Chris Gaines! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!